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Showing posts from April, 2011

Question #25

Do you do certain things, act a certain way, or say things to impress people who are either gone, dead, or otherwise no longer in your life? Just askin'

Question #24

There are many kinds of character types in great literature and in life. Among these are the hard working but simple people; the experienced older hero who has skills and abilities and can be a mentor; the confident and wealthy business man, and the wife by his side; those who are creative and talented and famous; those who are intelligent and crafty; and those whose wholesome goodness can make them an integral part of the story in contrast to those with special differences. With that in mind, If they ran out of food on Gilligan's Island, who would be eaten first? Just askin'

Question #23

Why do we tell ourselves that every child can grow up to become President? That's a lot of children, and there is only one spot per four years. Many children will grow up to become insurance agents, and others will grow up to become firefighters. Are they to assume, deep down, that they have failed? What is the least impressive thing that you will encourage your child to do with their life? Does that make you feel bad, and why should it? Don't we need people to work at Jamba Juice? Does it make you feel bad again that you are looking down on those people? Just askin'

Question #22

Most people have opinions about things, and generally feel strongly about them. Sometimes they agree with yours, and sometimes they don't. For example, if you ask ten people at random who they think is running things, how, and why, you will probably get wildly divergent answers from a tightly held conspiracy to an absolute anarchy that nobody understands. Maybe it is good, maybe it is not, maybe it is an illusion, maybe it is all just as it looks on the surface. Personally, I have to think that since everybody views things slightly differently, their views and beliefs are also shaped by that, so one person's poison is another person's medicine; another person's social progress is the other guy's creeping fascism. What do you feel so dismissive of that you would even cross personal boundaries of family and friends to let them know how you feel, even at risk of causing problems? Just askin'

Question #21

You know how you hear things like " they say that you should never leave your toothbrush out next to the toilet," or "well you know, they say everyone needs to eat seven servings of pure manteca per month to prevent scurvy," or " they recently discovered that the acai berry can change the results of late sixties municipal elections," and such? Who are "they," and why should we believe them? I mean if you ask ten people, three of whom are insane, three of which are liars, two people with really bad english skills, and two who are unable to talk about anything but the Red Sox all together in an elevator dispensing life wisdom, doesn't that count as a group you would call "they"? As in " they said I should ask David Ortiz about how to use my car keys to cure the ebola virus by neutralizing the powers of the group that controls earthquakes by sign language ." And would you take their advice? Just askin'

Question #20

Imagine you are in charge for one second. I mean in charge of everything. Weather, people, money, soda, animals, Aerosmith, network progamming, miracles, the whole deal. But you only have one second. Without necessarily revealing what it is, is what you choose to do nice, and to who is it nice? Or is it selfish, or mean? Or do you screw up and miss the opportunity? Just askin'

Question #18

Would it make a difference to you to find out it was true that it is all an elaborate plot cooked up just for your benefit, or would you want that to apply just to major sporting events and not to religion or government? Just askin'

Question #17

What if you owned a time machine and you could send back one of the following to deal with Hitler before he comes to power in Germany and why? The Dalai Lama Cher Tom Brokaw A polar bear That crazy Koran burning pastor guy from Florida with the unfortunate mustache William Shatner Your dentist You have ten minutes to tell them anything you think will prepare them for the trip and they can take their clothes and about $60.00 in funds. And they can bring a book and a sack lunch. Just askin'

Question #16

If you had saved all of the fingernails you have cut, torn, or bitten off since you were born, how big a pile would it make? If you could, just once, would you put them all back on to see how long your nails would get? Just askin'

Question #15

Similarly as in question #2, there are things that are assumed to be good. Like unicorns, and politicians in our own party, and Gandhi. Who says unicorns are not even now feasting on baby harp seals? And whoever is in charge of things doesn't have their own agenda ahead of ours? And that because he was a human being, Gandhi didn't cause somebody some where to say: "F'n Gandhi, I hate that guy. He still owes me money from that thing that time, and now he's all 'I have no attachment to earthly belongings' and junk. Dang." Just askin'

Question #14

Most people are envious of someone; be it for their appearance, their job, their wealth, the person they are married or otherwise with. There are likely people that are envious of anybody reading this question. Kind of like the turtle on the bottom of a stack of turtles may think the one on their back is having a wonderful time, while that turtle feels the same about the turtle above them. Potentially, the turtle on the top may be afraid of heights as well. Or they could be too stupid, oblivious, or angry to enjoy it when they get there. So the question is this: Why are standard mayonnaise jars designed in such a way that when you are trying to get the last of the mayonnaise out, you have to reach in and try to get it in such a way that it gets on the back of your hand? I hate that. And the bonus question is, what does it have to do with envious turtles because I assure you they are most inextricably linked at this moment. Just askin'

Question #13

What is the worst thing you would rub in your hair for money? What about if it were to save an entire species? What if it were a species of bug? What if it were to really impress a member of the opposite sex? What if it never came out completely? Just askin'

Question #10

People do have a thing for certain types of animals, mostly the furry, big-eyed, normal speed of movement types. Of course there are exceptions to both the people and the animals, some people love reptiles , and most rats are furry. With that in mind, would it change your eating habits if animals tasted good in direct ratio to how cute they were? (Vegetarians need not answer, they already have.) Before you answer, imagine sitting at the table and being asked if you want another big juicy piece of fried kitten. Just askin'

Question #9

We all have different tolerances for waiting. I have stood in line for hours to be first to get into the first showing of a movie, and have waited in line for hours at theme parks for rides lasting less than a minute. How long would you wait in line to get something that would be really great for a bunch of other people? What if all the people in the line had not showered in many days? What about if the people who got this wonderful thing had no idea where it came from? What if they knew it came from you but never said thanks? Just askin'

Question #8

Different accents mean different things to each of us. For example, I seem to think the news is more interesting if it is delivered in a british accent , especially if they are talking about "controversy," or "military," or "widespread looting." Are there specific regional accents that you feel sound like that person is automatically lying? Just askin'

Question #7

Imagine you are having a dinner party, and it must go well because it somehow will determine your success or failure at your job. Think about how on " Bewitched ," Larry Tate would always bring prospective clients over to the Stephens' house for dinner and something would go haywire for the first 18 minutes and then get resolved in a magical way that usually ended with the client saying something like "those are amazing ideas, Stephens! I look forward to discussing them with you in the office on Monday!" as they shake hands and leave. With that in mind, what would you do if the only thing available to prepare for the guests was rat, and you had about two hours before dinner to prepare. Your time! Just askin'

Question #6

How long would you stand in line to gain the ability to understand what spiders are thinking? Would that be any different if you knew they could only think in terms of really creepy poetry? Just askin'

Question #5

Somewhere in the world there is someone who is the best at everything. Like the best pole vaulter is the guy who vaulted the highest. Also, there is someone who is the best at playing that scratch fish percussion instrument, as there must be. (My vote is this guy , but I could be wrong.) The point being, there is a hierarchy of skill in anything, from shrimp fishing to sculpting with chicken wishbones. (totally this woman , no question.) With that in mind, as a percentage, how many people in the world are you better than when it comes to going to the bathroom and why? Just askin'

Question #4

Which would you choose: being right 95% of the time and be acknowledged as such on anything you think, do, or say, or having a 500 person strong army of crazy people who would do anything you want them to do? Just askin'

Question #3

If you were in charge of granting people's childhood dreams, but each time you did somebody you know personally would feel an instant of paralyzing fear, how many times per day would you grant a wish? Just askin'

Question #2

Why does everyone assume that ghosts, robots, zombies, or aliens are always interested only in destroying us and all we hold dear? If they were nice when not dead or undead, or if they were programmed by nice people or have an advanced civilization on their planet, why are they automatically going to be nasty to us when they get here/are turned on/rise from the grave? Just askin'

The first question.

So if you are going to describe something as normal , there is probably no way to define that except in comparison to the other things. For example, to say you have a normal car, or house, or job, or aftershave collection means that yours is the baseline from which every other of that type differs. By declaring yours to be the normal one, you are saying that every other one is just a little off . With that in mind, the question is: What if you specifically are the normal person? Is that a problem? Or do you hope so? Just asking.