One Weird Question

So given that there must be someone who is the absolute best at any particular thing, who do you think was the best scratchfish player in history? If you do not know, the scratch fish is that instrument that looks like a hollow wooden fish that has ridges carved into it, so when you rub a stick across the ridges, it makes a sound like "vrrrrrrrrrrrrp."

If your life depended on getting someone the absolute best Christmas or Hanukkah present, where would you start your search?

If you had a psychic power to control the thoughts of all children for two minutes when they turn exactly six years, two months, seventeen hours, and thirty two minutes old, what would you do with this power?

If your pee smelled fishy due to an imbalance or infection, would you have a preference as to what kind of fish?

Does any particular condiment scare you? What if it was chasing you?

What if "only you could prevent forest fires."? How would you do it, that's a really big job.

Have you ever thought about how judgmental Santa must be?

Why are there pillows in caskets? Were there complaints that they were uncomfortable?

What if you really got into a new band's music; feeling that it was inspirational, clever, and great to listen to both on road trips and pleasant weekend afternoons, and then you found out that the members of the band were your childhood bully, two of the teachers you hated the most during school, an ex with whom you had had a really bad breakup, someone that owes you money and refuses to pay it back, and the person who you interviewed with for a job you really wanted and didn't get?

If you couldn't swim, would you rather have to eat only popsicles for the rest of your life, or pose as a body double for Jackie Chan in a serious drama without any martial arts in it but have to pay $40.00 a day to do so.

What defines a better sneeze?

Out of all your relatives, who eats fruit the best?

Who would make a better lumberjack: Pop Star George Michael, or a 1974 Ford Pinto with a full tank of gas? What if it were a Pinto Station Wagon? Would the wood decals on the side be scary to the trees? What if George Michael had really big teeth?

Would it be a dealbreaker if you were about to get married to someone and they revealed that they like to put glass marbles in their butt just before pooping because they feel spiritually fulfilled by the sound they make afterwards?